“Reality TV” & Freedom Rampage

Story: “Reality TV”

In the year 2019, the world economy has collapsed. The great freedoms of the United States are no longer, as the once great nation has sealed off its borders and become a militarized police state, censoring all film, art, literature, and communications.

-The Running Man, IMDB

Dystopia in Michael Kardos’ “Reality TV” feels like Supermarket Sweep and Survivor were cross-bred with 1987’s The Running Man, which is to say that it feels too real. In 1987, when Arnold Schwarzenegger was wrongly sentenced to death and given the opportunity to participate in a reality show for a chance at freedom, it read as satirical absurdism. Social commentary, for sure, but blown so wildly out of proportion that it was well within the sci-fi realm, and the stuff of Hollywood. Now, in the twilight of 2020, during the ascension of COVID-19 and the descent of political decorum in America, Kardos’s “Reality TV” is entertainingly chilling.

“So people really got eaten on live TV?” she asked.

“It was taped, not live,” I told her. “And it was all tastefully edited. They knew where to draw the line, editing-wise.”

“But people got eaten?”

“Honey, these were hungry tigers in a mall.”

In less than a thousand words, “Reality TV” reveals everything multi-legged and crawling beneath the rock of America. The swelling economic disparity and voyeuristic entertainment-fed society all set within the crumbling temples of capitalism—the mall. I don’t want to reveal too much, but, perhaps you’re thinking as you read the story, Okay, this is just silly. Tigers? Malls? Psh. And then familiar details crash inside of you. The careful selection of competitors who are needy and large in personality; the unnecessary but entertaining rules of televised competition; and that reality TV funk that America is addicted to, the schadenfreude we feel watching others struggle, and the rags-to-riches narrative we love to see when a contestant, finally, rises above.

But it’s not all doom and gloom here. There’s levity in the narrator’s tone, plenty of heart, and the familiar glow of nostalgia that, even now, during the worst of 2020, we share with each other through our phones and computer screens. That desire to connect—reconnect—crackles beneath the surface of “Reality TV.”

The narrator wants to comfort his wife, to share something with her that will simultaneously distract her from the world and bring them closer together, and that’s what makes this story such a heart-breakingly enjoyable read: its all too recognizably human core. The Running Man and “Reality TV” both have something to say about the trajectory of America, and perhaps the world, but whereas The Running Man falls into the familiar heroic tropes that America has grown fat on, “Reality TV” holds something richer beneath its surface: the need to be heard and feel connected to others, and the hope that, despite the hungry tigers out there and the heavily-edited televised decline of the world, there’s still a chance to win in the end.

Cocktail: Freedom Rampage

Back when there were shopping malls. Back when there were tigers. Back when Christmas was celebrated on December 25. Back when you could find a microwave oven. Before the Ten-Thousand-Year Flood and the Accident and the invention of the quickbullet. Before the Freedom Rampage.

Back when cocktails were drank in public with friends. Back when handshakes and high-fives were legal. Before Quarantine, and before Quaran-Tinis. Before Elections. Back when Bourbon. Back when Bitters. Back when juice.

The Freedom Rampage has two builds, one for the post-apocalypse and one for the pre-apocalypse. Sorry, Rampagers, there’s no cocktail for the mid-apocalypse, only Crowdscatter and universal bar codes.

Recipe: Post-Apocalypse Freedom Rampage

2oz Bourbon or Whiskey, whatever you can get!
1oz Bottled Lime Juice, because it’ll last through anything.
0.5oz Crème Soda Syrup*, or whatever soda the caravan has to trade.
0.25oz Orange Juice Concentrate, unirradiated if possible.
5 dashes Angostura Bitters – don’t worry, they don’t go bad!

1. Add all ingredients to a shaker tin with your allotment of commonwealth ice.

2. Shake, and pour all contents into a clean tin can and garnish with desiccated remnants. Afterall, wasting commonwealth ice is a Grave Transgression.

3. Return to your screens and enjoy your ration of relaxation.

Recipe: Pre-Apocalypse Freedom Rampage

1.5oz Bourbon, 100 proof
1oz Fresh Orange Juice
0.5oz Lemon Juice
0.75oz Crème Soda Syrup*
2 dashes Angostura Bitters

1. Add all ingredients to a shaker with ice and shake for 10 seconds.

2. Strain into a coupe or other glass and garnish with pineapple fronds (before they’re extinct after the Green Crash).

3. Hold someone’s hand, even if it’s illegal.

Notes: To make the Crème Soda Syrup, pick your favorite 16oz bottle of Crème Soda and bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer (over Med/Med-High) for about 25 minutes. You want to reduce the soda to one-fourth it’s volume, about 4oz.